i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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