You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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