you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
