My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
