So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
