I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
