he puts the penis in happiness.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
birth control should be required to get into college
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God, I missed his penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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