you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
