I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
