Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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