just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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