Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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