so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
