Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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