sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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