Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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