after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
