I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
