Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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