I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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