4 words: hood of his car
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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