You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
