Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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