i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
