i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
