So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
