You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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