My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
