i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
