The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
