would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just invented taco cereal.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize