careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
