I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dick very happy bro
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
