I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it hurts more in the daytime
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
