the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
