i just made my gag reflex go away.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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