Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Drunk is a universal language darling
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