There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
