Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
