o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
