oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
