just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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