You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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