i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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