Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
