I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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