Don't you send me to vm
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
