A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
