What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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