Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
