I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
