my phone needs a breathalizer
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think my mom watched the whole time
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
