dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
