All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
