This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
