Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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