We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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