some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
