WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
