I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he thought i was a dude.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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