Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
