Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
