She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
