If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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