i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
