Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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