Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize