I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
