He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
