there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
