You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
