the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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