I hope my margaritas pass through security.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
