Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
