I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
