Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
